Waddup snifflers of the world!?

I’m sick, you’re sick, he’s sick, she’s sick. They’re sick. Your loud upstairs neighbors? They’re sick. That kid that sits in front of you who you also refer to as “aggressive pen clicker?” Sick. Your best pal’s pet goldfish. Siiiiiiiick.

And if you’re not sick? You better buckle the F up because germs are coming for you.

In effort to exterminate those a**holes (aka the germs), you can catch me sporting an ever-so-snackful hazmat suit for the rest of the week.

Alongside my yellow outfit in crime, I will also be taking numerous steps to get those germs outta my body and prevent other ones from coming in.

If you’re already sickly:

Congestion, boogers, nostril burn, oh my!! If you have severe rug burn on your schnoz like ya girl, there are a few things you can do to help ease the pain. (Even for just a moment or two)

I find that taking long, steamy showers helps to unclog your sinuses and provide relief. This is a grand ole’ thing to do especially when you have a sinus induced headache. Let ya boogers run free and far away while enjoying the soothing warmth of the water.

If you’re suffering from severe rug burn on your face from blowing your nose all day, fear not, fellow friend!

Coconut oil is my favorite way to combate that pesky nostril irritation. I’m no doctor (and boy is that the truth) but I can say from experience this is my go-to way for healing irritated skin. Rub a little coconut oil on any red areas. The coconut oil will help soothe the skin as well as encourage a fast healing process. Plus, you’ll smell like coconuts; and that’s fabulous.

Now you’re all clean and your rug burn is all lubed up, it’s time for some tea. What’s the tea, sis? Yogi has a really phenomenal Cold Season Tea that is an absolute LIFESAVER. It has a mellow taste with a bit of a kick. Whatever magic herbs they used absolutely clears your sinuses. This tea is a MUST if you’re falling ill at all.

Lastly, if you’re feeling boogery in any way, invest in some Puffs Plus Lotion with a lil side of Vicks. These tissues have the key to open up nostril heaven and you’ll find yourself breathing again. Thank the Schnoz Gods!

If you aren’t sickly and you’re not tryna be:

Wash your paws. No seriously. Get up and do it now. And then do it again. It is so important in the germiest of times to make sure you’re properly washing your hands. Or use hand sanitizer. I don’t care but do something!

Also ensure that you’re getting enough sleep at night. I loooove staying up until the wee hours of the morning doing homework. Not. But alas, that is the reality for many students. If you can’t get a ~pristine~ 8 hours every night, make sure you prioritize time for a quick nap and at least 4 nights where you can get that uninterrupted, recommended dose of Zzz’s.

Take ya vitamins, eat ya veggies, slurp some ramen noodles, do all the shit your parents used to tell you to do because, as I’ve learned the hard way, they were right along. Who knew!?

Seriously though, nothing sucks more than going on spring break with a fre$h head cold. Recover while you can so you can enjoy your very much deserved break.

My next swig of DayQuil is dedicated to all those suffering from sniffles. I hope you all can break free from Booger City and get your nostrils back.